


Spare Me

by JustifyingEvil



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hurt Draco Malfoy, Hurt/Comfort, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Physical Abuse, Protective Severus Snape, Sad Draco Malfoy, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-11 09:18:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15312345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustifyingEvil/pseuds/JustifyingEvil
Summary: Draco faces his struggles alone until a certain head of house finds out. (Slow Updates)





	1. Draco's Diary Entry

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! I'm a bit late to the party. I've always been in and out of the Harry Potter fandom. I've been reading way too much fanfiction and I've been inspired. My two favorite character have to be Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy so this fanfic is mainly about them.  
> Warning this fanfic will contain abuse, depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts and eating disorders.  
> Draco is around 13 - 14 years old and takes place right after the Prisoner of Azkaban.  
> I hope you enjoy and sorry for any mistakes.  
> Disclaimer I don't own the characters.  
> Also, I had posted the first 4 chapters on fanfiton.net a while ago. So now I'm posting them on there and here.

Dear Diary  
Been a while since I've written an update in here. A lot has happened that's left me emotionally drained every night and not bothered to write a diary entry. I'll try and not make this entry to long.  
First major event that has dominated the headlines and gossip around the school has been this prisoner escaping Azkaban that turns out to be some how related in a way to Potter. Whatever don't care.  
Got injured by Hagrid's idiotic chicken. My arm is fine, hurts a bit when I lie on it but other than that it's fine. Don't mind the pain that much. It did remind me of the time when I used to cut myself, haven't done that in a while. Merlin's beard, I do miss it. Maybe getting clawed by the chicken beast was a sign that I should do it again. Can't risk anyone finding out though. Nearly got caught by Potter the last time. Bloody idiot walking into the boys bathroom making no noise and there I was, sitting on the floor behind a stall door wishing for death, cutting my wrists into oblivion. Thank Merlin he didn't hear me whimpering. He just did his business and left without a second thought at who else might be in the bathroom with him.  
In all honesty the living daylights were scared out of me by someone throwing snowballs at me and dragging me in the snow. I sound like a fucking coward. I also got a wand pointed at my neck by Granger, yes I was sniffing in terror and it was genuine. Worthless weakling. And then she punched me in the face! I got punched by a girl. How pathetic do I sound? Crabbe, Goyle and I ran. They went back to the dungeon as I went to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I don't think my nose is broken which is good but at that moment, I wanted to cry.  
Malfoy's don't cry.  
Malfoy's don't cry.  
Malfoy's don't cry!  
I'm slowly breaking. The truth is that I project my own misery onto others. I don't mean to be as mean as I am but it's the facade that I have to keep up.  
If my father hears about anything that has happened, I'm sure to get the worst beating of my life.  
No one knows about my struggles, no one will ever know. I don't trust anyone enough to tell them. They will make fun of me, call me a waste of space. I am, I don't deserve to live. I deserve to be punished... I'm sorry  
Just kill me already,  
Draco Malfoy


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably should have said this in chapter 1 but please don't read this fanfic if you are easily triggered. Stay safe all.

Today, Draco knew was not going to be his day. His father was visiting that evening since he had heard about recent events. He only knew about his encounter with Buckbeak and of course his low grades in certain subjects. They were not failing grades but lower than his father expected from him. His father's target for him for all subjects was 90% or more. He was getting below that in two subjects which were transfiguration and the history of magic. Draco sighed and sat up in his bed wishing he hadn't woken up. What bliss would it be to just sleep forever? He wondered that most mornings. He wasn't in much of a rush since he always missed breakfast. Slowly, he got out of bed and went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and combed his hair.

As he changed into his school clothes he looked into the full length mirror and frowned in disgust. He looked so fat and ugly. He angry stared at his body before finally putting on his shirt and robe.

First lesson was about to start. Draco groaned, it was Wednesday, the middle of the week. Annoyingly his first lesson was the history of magic. He slowly but surely made his way to the class and sat in his usual spot. He knew he had to improve his grade but all he could do was zone out and get lost in his thoughts. To his relief the lesson went by reasonably quickly as so did the rest of the day but that meant his father would be arriving shortly.

Draco was instructed by his father to meet him outside his dorm during super. He wasn't complaining, he got to miss dinner but he couldn't imagine the hell that was waiting for him. It was half way through dinner when his father arrived. Lucius marched up to his son with a stern look on his face. Draco immediately notice the belt sticking out of Lucius' pocket. He gulped and made eye contact with his father. Lucius didn't say anything, he pushed Draco in the direction of his dorm. Once they entered, Lucius made sure no one was around before taking out the belt.

"Ok you brat, lie on your bed on your stomach" Lucius demanded.

Without a word, Draco did so and prepared himself for the first whip. The first strike was light but soon another came a lot harder. Draco gritted his teeth. The strikes came harder every time. He was only wearing his shirt and he could feel that blood was being soaked into it.

"Get up and pull your trousers down" Lucius snarled.

Draco shakily pushes himself up but collapsed back onto the bed. He heard his father grunt at his son's pitiful attempt. Draco managed to get onto all fours and unbuckle his belt. He got his trousers down to his knees, exposing his ass and thighs. Lucius chuckled and raised the belt once more and hit Draco right across his thighs. Draco closed his eyes tight, he couldn't risk letting tears fall, his father would punish him more if he saw him being weak.

After a few more hits, Lucius growled at Draco to turn to face him. Draco flipped himself over causing him great pain as his back and legs were now in contact with the covers of his bed.

Lucius leaned in close to Draco's face and angrily whispered "If you don't pull your act together your punishments will get exceedingly worse, understood?"

Draco nodded "Y-yes father" he stammered out.

Lucius grabbed Draco's face "Remember there is a quidditch match next week. I will be there and I expect brilliance. Am I clear? You will beat Gryffindor"

"Yes sir, I'll beat them" Draco's eyes welled up with tears and his father most definitely noticed.

"One more thing, Malfoy's. Don't. Cry" Lucius slapped his son before stepping back and raising the belt again. Draco let tears fall, accepting his punishment. The belt smacked his chest and stomach a few times before silence. Draco lifted his head to see his father walking out without a second glance.

He forced himself to get up and crawled to the bathroom. He didn't want to be seen battered and bruised on his bed by one of his roommates. Taking slow shaky breaths through his sobs, Draco recalled everything that just happened. His body trembled and ached and continued to bleed. He had to get cleaned up before anyone returned. He turned the shower onto cold, took off his clothes and crawled in, sitting under the cold stream of water that still seemed to burn his skin. He didn't stay in there long, it was to agonising. He threw on his PJ's and sat on his bed, pretending to read a pointless book. One by one his roommates returned and soon enough they were all getting ready for bed. No matter what position Draco was in it was painful. His clothes rubbed against the lashes. This was going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy Chapter 3! Sorry for any mistakes

Draco had no intent on getting up or even going to lessons that morning but as he had transfiguration, a class his grades weren't good in, he had to make an effort. It was his second lesson so he could just miss his first and that was what he was going to do. He also had potions that day, lesson 3. He could ask Snape for a healing potion... Draco mentally scolded himself for even thinking that. He couldn't let anyone know and Snape would definitely see through any lie he would come up with. He lay in bed, not daring to move. Moving would make the pain worse. His stomach growled fiercely at him, demanding food. He hadn't really eaten anything for around 24 hours which made him smile a little.  
  
The minutes went by as Draco pondered whether or not to get up. He looked over at his clock and noticed lesson 2 would be starting in 10 minutes. He cursed and threw the covers off him resulting in a surge of pain in his back. He cursed again and hissed as he got into an upright position. He got out of bed which was a small achievement in itself. Getting dresses was not pleasant. A part of him wanted to look in the mirror and inspect the damage but another part of him refused, he did not want to start crying right before a lesson which he was going to be late for if he didn't hurry up. Draco, as quickly as he could, gathered the necessary books and stationery and headed to transfiguration.  
  
Professor McGonagall waited patiently as the students filed into her class. Draco shuffled in, dragging his feet along looking at the ground. Every step was torture. He had no idea how he was going to get through the lesson, let alone the rest of the week. He sat down in his usual spot with great discomfort. He tried ever so hard to concentrate and listen to what the professor was explaining but all he could think about was how much pain his sore body was in.  
  
"Mr Malfoy?"  
  
Draco snapped out of his thoughts when he heard his name being called by McGonagall.  
  
"You better be paying attention. Your grades are already suffering." She was right. His grades were worsening every lesson. A few other students sniggered at him getting told off for spacing out. Draco scowled and glared, trying his best to ignore them.  
Luckily, McGonagall returned to what she was saying and the lesson carried on. Draco wrote down a few things but nothing that was significantly important. Some reading homework was set before the lesson ended. Draco got up and left for his next lesson, potions.  
  
As he entered the classroom, he tried not to look at Snape. It was tempting to ask him for help but he had to just grin and bare it. He couldn't risk it. If his father found out that someone knew, he would beat Draco until he didn't remember his own name. Besides, Snape was a good friend of his father's and probably already knew that he got beaten. Damn, for all he knew, he would probably hit him as well. The thought made Draco shiver. He couldn't take another beating, not right now.  
  
Snape's voice echoed through the room, ordering everyone to turn to a specific page in their book. He babbled on about this, that and the other but Draco took no notice. Snape told them to write something, Draco wasn't exactly sure what but he started writing something based on the page he was on. Snape sat at his desk, overlooking his class. One pupil caught his eye, it was Draco. He could tell by the way he was sitting, by the way he looked that there was something very off about the boy. For the rest of the lesson Snape focused on Draco, worry building up the more he watched the boy who looked like he was going to keel over any minute. Snape stood up getting ready to collect the students' work. One by one he picked up the work, quickly skimming over the work before picking up the next. Draco's work was the last to be collected. Snape inspected the poor piece of writing as he walked back to his desk and placed them in a neat pile, ready to be marked. Draco knew he had done appallingly. He knew he should be punished for his pathetic effort.  
  
The lesson ended and students quickly got up and left for the next lesson. Before Draco could leave Snape called him back. He gulped and walked up to his professor with his heart beating rapidly. Snape looked down at him with quite an angry face. He picked up Draco's paper to show the boy what he was being called back for.  
  
"Detention at 7:45 here. You will re-write this under my supervision"  
  
Draco nodded and walked quickly away from his disappointed professor to his next lesson which was DADA. Snape watched him leave and felt a responsibility as his head of house to figure out what was going on with the poor boy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters may seem ooc sometimes throughout the fanfic, just a heads up there. Enjoy

Draco couldn't stop thinking, his mind was in overdrive. It was almost 7:45. He dreaded going to see Snape. Before going he did have a little something to eat just to keep his strength up. He walked towards the potions classroom and tapped on the door. A voice from inside beckoned him in. With a deep breath Draco opened the door and walked in quietly. Without looking up from his marking, he pointed at the desk in front of his, signalling that he wanted Draco to sit there. Draco obediently sat down.  
  
"Now, Mr Malfoy I want you to re-write this piece of work" Snape sternly said, placing his old paper in front of him which had an awful mark. Snape quickly explained what needed to be done and let Draco get on with it.  
  
About 15 minutes passed and Draco had finished. He shakily got up and handed his work back to the professor. Snape hummed in response as he took the work and placed it down on his pile to mark. Draco had returned to his desk to pack up his things when Snape stopped him.  
  
"Mr Malfoy, is there anything bothering you?" He questioned.  
  
Draco froze and turned his head away. He should have known Snape would have noticed his odd behaviour. "N-no nothing professor" he stammered out.  
  
"Don't lie, Draco. I can tell there is something wrong" Snape's voice sounded oddly concerned which made it harder for Draco to keep it together.  
  
A tear ran down his cheek, followed by a sob which caught Snape off guard. The boy never cried, he'd never seen him cry. Draco's legs buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor in a heap. Snape jumped into action and went to the boy's side. He placed a hand on Draco's back. Draco cried out in pain as Snape retracted his hand, startled by the cry. Draco leaned into Snape's chest and rested his aching body. Unsure on what to do, Snape let the boy cry as he softly stroked his hair in an attempt to calm and comfort him. After what seemed like ages, Draco pulled himself away and dried his eyes. He looked up to see Snape's very concerned face.  
  
"S-sorry sir" Draco hiccupped.  
  
"There is no need for an apology. Do you care to tell me what's wrong?"  
  
"Don't act like you don't know" Draco snapped.  
  
Snape took a moment to think. He didn't have a single clue what the boy was talking about "Draco, I don't know what you think I should know"  
  
Draco trembled in fear "Just do it already, punish me. I deserve it"  
  
Snape looked confused as to why Draco would say such a thing "Draco what in merlin's name do you mean? Your punishment is having detention and..." then it clicked. Snape knew what kind of punishment he meant. "Has someone hurt you, Draco?"  
  
Draco remained silent for a while. Snape refused to say anything, wanting Draco to take as much time as he needed.  
  
Draco finally whispered, almost inaudible "My father"  
  
Snape's eyes narrowed. He should have known. "Draco, where did he hit you and with what?" He said clearly, trying not to frighten him.  
  
"Pretty much everywhere... with a belt" Draco said softly, starting to cry again.  
  
Snape's face turned angry, not at Draco but his father. How could he do such a thing to his one and only son? He could see that Draco was suffering and needed healing. He got up off the floor and put his hand out to help Draco up. Using all the strength he had, Draco grabbed onto Snape's hand and hoisted himself up. Snape motioned for Draco to follow him. They both walked silently to Snape's living quarters. Draco had never been into Snape's room and was surprised at how homely it was. Draco awkwardly stood by the door as Snape marched in.  
  
"Draco, there is no need for you to be scared, I will not hurt you and I never will. Come sit on the couch. I'll be back." Snape disappeared into what Draco presumed was his bedroom. He sat on the couch as he was told. A few minutes passed and Snape returned holding a glass containing a potion. Snape places the glass on the table.  
  
"Show me" he simply said.  
  
"Excuse me?" Draco exclaimed.  
  
"Let me see what he's done" Snape muttered.  
  
Draco shook his head violently. There was no way he was showing Snape. He hadn't seen the damage for himself yet. He was so ashamed. He really wished he was dead right now.  
Snape sighed as he sat next to Draco. "I have to see how bad they are and to make sure they are not infected"  
  
Draco swallowed and made eye contact with his potions professor before turning away and lifting up his shirt. Snape had to stop himself from gasping as the sight before him. There were dozens of lines, new and old, across Draco's back and some on his torso. Draco's eyes were closed not wanting to see Snape's face or his injuries.  
  
"Anywhere else apart from your back or chest?" Snape asked.  
  
"Thighs." Draco simply stated.  
  
Snape nodded and decided not embarrass the poor kid. He reached for the potion on the table and handed it to Draco "This will help heal them faster and ease the pain for a while. How have you been sleeping?"  
  
Draco looked at the potion and felt his heart sink. He had sworn to himself that he would never tell anyone and look where he was now, accepting help from Snape. He couldn't hate himself more at this very moment. "Sleep has been hard but I slept in today so I'm ok" he replied before drinking the potion he had in his hands.  
  
"Would you like a dream less sleep potion, just for tonight?" Snape offered.  
  
Draco nodded. Snape got up to get the potion and gave it to Draco. Draco gave a half-hearted smile as he stood up. "Thank you, Snape, sir. Are... are you going to tell anyone?"  
  
Snape pondered for a moment "At this present moment, I will not, until we have spoken more about this. We have potions tomorrow again and I want you to come here after dinner so we can talk more. I will come find you if you don't turn up"  
  
Draco bowed his head and whisper a yes. He really didn't want to talk about any of this anymore but he knew Snape wasn't lying when he said he would come find him. So really, he didn't have much of a choice. Snape gave him a semi sympathetic look. Once again, Draco thanked the professor and took his leave back to his own dorm.  
His roommates acknowledged his presence as he walked into the bathroom to get changed for bed. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and felt like punching it.  
  
"Pathetic messed up idiotic piece of shit" he muttered to himself.  
  
He gulped down the dreamless sleep potion and went to his bed. Soon enough he was asleep, no bad dreams, no dreams at all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are, chapter 5. Sorry for any mistakes.

Draco woke up feeling pretty refreshed. That dreamless potion worked wonders and he got a good nights sleep for once. It was finally Friday which meant that the weekend was near and Draco could just hide away and take the time to heal. He slowly rolled over to face his clock. His body still ached but wasn't in as much pain thanks to the healing potion. Snape had been very helpful and understanding but somewhere in Draco's mind he regretted opening up and showing his vulnerability to his head of house. He sighed and glanced at his clock. His eyes widened as he noticed he had slept in. He quickly threw his covers off and flung himself out of bed. A wave of dizziness washed over him, probably because he hadn't eaten since who knows when. He quickly recovered and got dressed. He had potions first thing, so being late was most likely going to worry and annoy Snape.  
He swiftly exited his dorm and headed straight to the potions classroom. He was only 10 minutes late. Walking into class late was humiliating, everyone looked at him as he opened the door and went to sit in his seat. He expected Snape to question him or even yell at him but all Snape did was nod to say that he had acknowledged Draco's presence. Draco looked over at the person sitting next to him to see what he was meant to be doing. They were reading about a potion that they would be making next week. Draco turned to the page they were on and began to read while listening to Snape at the same time. Throughout the lesson, Draco kept his head down avoiding Snape's gaze. Snape wondered around the classroom as the students were taking notes and quietly chatting. Snape stopped next to Draco and bent down to talk to him "Don't forget, after dinner, my living quarters" Snape started to walk around the class again.

Draco looked up from his book and followed Snape with his eyes before putting his head back down. Class ended and he left as quickly as he could. The rest of the day went by with Draco in a bit of a daze. He tried to pay attention in his classes but he was worried. Worried that if he told Snape everything, he would get angry at him. Also, he had been feeling dizzy all day. When dinner came, Draco sat in his dorm counting the minutes till he had to go see Snape. He could just not go but Snape was sure to track him down. He took a deep breath before heading down the corridor to Snape's dorm.

He was about to knock when the door opened. Clearly Snape was expecting him and had some sort of 6th sense to know that he was standing outside his door. Draco ducked his head not wanting to look at Snape. Snape raised an eyebrow and stepped aside to let Draco enter. Draco walked in and went to stand next to the couch. Snape closed the door and went to the couch as well. He had prepared tea for them both.

"Come sit, don't stand there all nervous" Snape said pouring the tea.

Draco felt extremely dizzy like he was going to pass out which he did. He tried to grab the arm of the couch but missed, falling on the floor in a heap, unconscious. Snape looked up from his tea pouring when out from the corner of his eye he noticed Draco swaying and evidently fainting. Snape made his way over to Draco and picked him up, placing him down on the couch. He tapped Draco's cheek to try and get him to come round but to no avail. He decided to leave him be to wake up in his own time. In the meantime, he would go mark some first years work.

About 15 minuets later, Draco came around and sat up looking around confused. Snape looked up from where he was sitting and got up to go sit next to Draco.  
"How you feeling?" He asked he boy.

"Um... alright" Draco's stomach growled.

Snape knew exactly why Draco had fainted "When did you eat last? And don't lie, I didn't see you at dinner or breakfast for that matter"

"Probably... last night before going to detention" Draco had to think about that.

Snape shook his head and got up to fetch some food. He came back with a sandwich. Draco looked at it in disgust but took it anyway. He slowly began to eat, each bite taking effort to chew and swallow. Snape had also brought him a glass of water which Draco gulped down. After Draco had finished, they got to talking.  
"Draco, why don't you eat?" Snape cut to the quick.

"I do, just not often. I need to be perfect in every manor. Father won't like it if I'm not" Draco confessed.

Snape grunted at the mention of Lucius. That man would be the death of Draco if he wasn't stopped. He was beating the poor boy, making him feel worthless. "Draco, nobody is perfect. Starving yourself is only going to make you feel weak and unable to do anything. Which would anger your father more I should think"

Draco nodded but remained silent. Snape spoke again "I want to see you at every breakfast and every dinner from now on. Eat something, even if it is small. Yes?"

"Yes, alright" Draco sadly agreed.

"And about your father. When he does turn up, I want you to come find me and let me know. Usually I do know when he is visiting but you must come find me so I can keep and eye on you. I think he would be less likely to harm you when around others. If he does hurt you, tell me so I can give you a healing potion"

Draco looked at Snape with a sad look "Thank you, professor" he whispered in a child like voice.

Snape felt sorry for him "Anything else you want to tell me?"

Draco already had told him too much. There were other things but he couldn't say them. He had no idea how Snape would react so staying quiet was the best option. "Nothing, sir"

Snape could tell there was more that Draco had on his mind but that was enough for tonight "Do you want another potion for tonight?"

"No thank you. I'm not in too much pain and I'd rather just fall asleep in my own time"

Snape nodded and let Draco leave. He was concerned about what he knew and didn't know and he hoped that Draco will do as he was told. He watched the boy leave before heading to his own room for some sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m on a roll! Chapter 6 for you. Warning, self harm in this chapter.

It was Sunday. Draco had barely left his dorm yesterday, apart from breakfast and dinner so he wouldn’t have Snape chasing after him. He spent the day reading over his transfiguration and history of magic books, not taking in much information but at least he tried. Today he had to leave his dorm, the Slytherin Quidditch team had practice in the afternoon since they had a game next Saturday against Gryffindor. He went to breakfast and actually ate a decent meal. He was going to need the energy. 

Draco took his time getting to practice. He did want to go but there was a sense of dread building in him. If Slytherin lost the game next Saturday he would most definitely get a beating from his father. Draco hopped onto his broom and took to the skies. The first half of practice went well but as time went on Draco’s mind took over and his anxiety rose. He had to do well. The last time he lost to Potter and Gryffindor, his father used the Everte Statum spell to throw him backwards into a wall and then used Incarcerous to tie him up in ropes so he was restrained. Lucius proceeded to hit him with the belt for what seemed like forever. Draco had never felt more helpless in his life. 

Draco was brought out of his thoughts by one of his teammates yelling at him. He hadn’t been concentrating and his team was pretty mad at him. 

“We are never going to win if you are not with it, Draco!” One of them yelled. 

Draco got mad and flew down to the ground and stormed off not bothering to explain anything or stay to listen to the captain lecturing him. He changed back into his usual clothes and made his way back to his dorm to sulk. He sat on his bed for a while, getting angry at himself. He opened his bedside table drawer and reached into the back to pick out a sharp blade like object. Before he knew what he was doing, he walked to the bathroom and locked it. He looked at himself in the mirror and started to breath heavily as he got angrier at himself for being so useless. Without a second thought, he pushed up his sleeve and dragged the blade across his skin 4 times before stopping for a moment, tears streaming down his face. He was about to continue when he heard one of his roommates enter the dorm. As quickly and as quietly as he could, he cleaned himself up and put the blade into his pocked. He exited the bathroom like nothing happened and carried on about his day.

Dinner came around but the last thing on Draco mind was food. He managed to drag himself to the great hall and sat down. He began to nibble at some bread not really paying attention to anything or anyone else around him. He didn’t notice that Snape was keeping an eye on him, occasionally glancing over at the boy. Draco looked down at this arm and noticed that his cuts were bleeding again. He hastily got up and walked out, trying to hide his left arm. Snape noticed him leave in a hurry. He wondered if he was ok but didn’t go after him. He would talk to Draco tomorrow.

Draco reached the nearest bathroom and locked himself in a stall. He remembered that he had his blade with him. He took it out and made several more slices in his arm, silently crying as he did so. After he had released all his anger and sadness, he grabbed some tissue to wrap around his arm and pressed down to stop them bleeding. He curled himself up into a ball. He was dozing off when he heard someone enter the bathroom. He shuffled away from the stall door and remained silent. 

“Hey, Harry did you hear about the disaster of a practice the Slytherin’s had this afternoon” The voice of Ron echoed through the room.

“Yeah. They were all over the place. Draco stormed off after being shouted at and the captain nearly crashed. That’s how angry he was with Draco” Harry said letting out a chuckle.

“We are bound to win” Ron laughed.

They both finished their business and left. Draco sat there for a minute feeling guilty for messing up the practice. He got up and slowly walked back to his dorm with his head down, almost bumping into a few students. 

That night, Draco couldn’t sleep. His mind was running wild with bad thoughts as he lay in his bed. He wished he had never been born. He was a disappointment of a son, he didn’t really have ‘friends’ and his grades showed how stupid he was. He was better off dead...  
Draco sat up and thought more about that. Could he, should he? No one would miss him if he died. It would be better for everyone if he wasn’t around. His father would probably dance on his grave. Draco lay back down and thought about how he would go about doing it. 

He already had a blade so he could do I that way but that might get too messy and too long of a process. Drowning or jumping from a height could work but someone could spot him, probably wouldn’t stop him though. He could poison himself. Steal some potions from professor Snape... If Snape found out about what he had done today, merlin knows what he’d do. Snape probably didn’t really care that much, it had to all be an act. He could also pretend to fall off his broom from a height. That thought made Draco’s heart quicken but like every other way he had thought of, there were flaws. Someone was bound to stop him from falling, if they cared enough that is.

Draco shuffled down beneath the covers, tears forming in his eyes. He dreaded waking up tomorrow morning. He cried himself to sleep for the first time in a while. 

Draco woke with a start, confused by what woke him until he heard one of his roommates apologies for slamming the bathroom door. He slowly slid out of bed and trudged into the bathroom to get changed. He pulled up his sleeve to look at his arm. He frowned at the state it was in. He had already made up his mind that he was not going to breakfast and he was not going to his potion lesson, lesson 4. He might as well not go to any lessons and just spend the day hiding away planning his demise. 

He spent lesson 1, 2 and 3 in the Library much to the surprise of the other students in there. He had been scribbling in his notebook the various ways he could off himself, noting down where, how and the flaws of each of them. He looked up at the clock on the wall, it was now lesson 4. Draco didn’t care. He was past caring about himself. 

Lunch came and went, so did the last lesson of the day. Draco hadn’t left the Library all day. Now it was dinner and Draco did make an effort to be there even though there was a possibility he would get bombarded by Snape. He walked into the great hall and immediately made eye contact with Snape who didn’t look pleased. Draco lowered his head and went to sit and eat. As he ate he could feel Snape’s gaze on him but he didn’t dare look. After he was done he left, walking briskly away.

“Malfoy”

Draco stopped dead in his tracks and slowly turned to see that Snape had followed him out. Draco gulped and looked down at his feet. 

“My quarters, ten minutes or I will give you detention for the rest of the week for skipping all your classes today” Snape said turning around and heading back to the great hall.

Detention was the last thing Draco wanted. The first being death. He didn’t really want to talk to anyone. He began to walk to Snape’s living quarters and stood outside his door and waited, he had nothing better to do really.

“Ah good you’re here. I don’t have to chase you. Come in” Snape beckoned as he walked up to Draco and let him in.  
They both sat down on the couch.

“Mr Malfoy. I hear, not only did you skip my class, you skipped every class today. I also heard that you were in the Library all day” Snape began.

“Yes, sir” Draco whispered before bursting into tears.

Severus was surprise at Draco’s sudden flood of tears. He had never been the best at comforting but it was what Draco needed right now. He put his arm around the boy and hushed him. 

“I don’t want to be here” Draco mumbled through his tears.

“I know, Draco but I didn’t have a chance to talk with you on the weekend and I feel like you need to get more off your chest.”

“That’s not what I meant” Draco made eye contact with the professor to try and make him understand without saying it outright.

It didn’t take long for Severus to figure out what Draco actually meant. He pulled the boy closer and let him cry.  
Draco eventually fell asleep. Snape placed him down flat on the couch and threw a blanket over him. He retired to his own bed, they would talk in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7, contains mentions of self harm and suicide.

Severus was awake before Draco. He exited his room and looked at the boy’s sleeping form on his couch. Draco looked younger than he actually was when he slept. He looked peaceful despite everything that was happening to him. Snape sighed as he went to make tea and some breakfast to save him and Draco the trouble of going to the great hall. Draco stirred in his sleep as Snape clanged around not far from the couch. He opened his eyes to see a cup of tea and some breakfast being placed down on the coffee table in front of him. He groaned as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. Snape sat down beside him and ate his own breakfast. Slowly but surely, Draco did the same. The tea was strong but it was what he needed to wake up and prepare for the conversation that was to come.   
Snape had finished his breakfast and started the tough conversation.

“Draco” he cleared his throat “last night, I feel like we need to talk about it. What you said is worrying to me”

“Yesterday, I spent the day in the Library thinking and writing down all the ways that... I could... kill myself” Draco confessed, taking a big sip of tea after he finished talking, his hand shaking.

Snape put his hand on Draco’s shoulder to let him know that he wasn’t mad “It’s ok, Draco but this is serious. What has made you feel this low?” Snape had his suspicions that it had something to do with Lucius.

“The Quidditch match on Saturday. I can’t loose or father will be so mad. Merlin knows how bad the beating would be. I can’t, Severus. I’m scared” Draco’s body began to quiver and his breathing sped up. 

Snape shifted closer and wrapped his arm around Draco “Deep breaths, Draco, hush” 

After a few minutes, Draco had managed to calm down enough to continue. He now trusted Severus enough to be as open as he wanted to be “I don’t feel safe” he admitted as he rolled up his sleeve to reveal the cuts on his arm.

Snape was shocked and deeply saddened by this. He felt for the boy. Severus got up to get some bandages to wrap Draco’s arm. Snape inspected the cuts to make sure they weren’t infected or too deep for his liking. Draco watched Snape wrap his arm.

“I am going to have to inform the headmaster about this. I don’t think you are safe, you are a danger to yourself.” Snape said quietly.

Draco didn’t like what he was hearing. He retracted his arm from Snape’s grasp “No. Please, I’ll be in so much trouble if father finds out. I shouldn’t have told you anything” Draco cried and stood up.

Severus also stood up “I will make sure your father won’t find out that you’ve told anyone. You don’t have to worry about him. I’ll deal with him if he lays one finger on you. I’m only telling Dumbledore so he is aware. He won’t tell anyone unless he feels that is necessary”  
Draco nodded. He still wasn’t pleased with Snape’s decision but it’s what he had to do. He sat back down and drank the rest of his tea. 

“I’m going to go speak with him now. Stay here” Snape turned on his heal and left his quarters.

Draco disobeyed Snape and he left, going back to his dorm to change his clothes. No one was around as it was still breakfast time. He sat on his bed staring at the floor, hoping it would swallow him up. He reached under his pillow for his notebook. Flickering through it, he felt so sad. Sadness quickly turned to anger and he ripped out all the pages he wrote yesterday, then threw the book across the room.

Meanwhile, Severus marched through the great hall right up to where Dumbledore was seated. He leaned over the table to whisper to the headmaster.

“Can we talk, it’s urgent?” 

Snape’s tone of voice made Dumbledore realise that it was something quite serious. He got up and went around to join Severus. They both walked out of the great hall with haste, gaining the attention of Harry and Hermione. They wondered what was happening. Ron was too busy eating to notice. 

At the headmasters office, Snape and Dumbledore sat down to talk.

“It’s Draco. He has revealed some worrying things to me and I believe that he is a danger to himself right now” Snape said.

Dumbledore was slightly taken aback by this “What has he said to make you think that, Severus?”

“He is very unhappy that I’ve come to you so I am going to say the least I can. He has a lot on his mind and he is scared. He isn’t in a good place mentally and it’s all down to his father.”

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows and shot a look at Snape to tell him that he needed more information.

Snape sighed “He’s thinking of killing himself. He is also hurting himself. Lucius is to blame. He takes his punishments a bit too far and Draco is getting very hurt by it in more ways than one”

Dumbledore furrowed his brows as he heard this “Keep a very close eye on him, Severus. I will do that also. I won’t talk to him, yet. If things escalate I will. Keep me informed on how he is. I won’t inform anyone else unless I feel like it would help him. When his father comes for the Quidditch game on Saturday, don’t let him be alone with Draco. Sadly we can’t do more than that” 

Snape nodded and thanked the headmaster. He left to head back to his dorm. When he arrived back, there was no sign of Draco. He grumbled and headed to the boys dorms. First lesson was going to start in 5 minuets. He reached the dorms as Draco was leaving. Draco looked like a deer caught in headlights when he ran into Snape.

“I’ve spoken to professor Dumbledore. You don’t need to worry. You sure you want to go to classes today? I’ll allow you to study in my quarters if you wish apart from potions, it’s a practical lesson so you will need to attend.” 

Draco was stunned “Um... thank you? I’ll do that, professor”

“Any problems, come find me” And with that, Snape went to his class just as the first lesson began. 

Draco spent his morning looking at his books and making notes. Potion lesson came around and Draco cautiously left Snape’s quarters. He didn’t want to be seen leaving, too many questions would be asked. To his annoyance he was spotted by none other that Harry, Hermione and Ron. He hurried away from them before they could ask anything. 

He lesson went well. Draco made a successful potion with his partner. Snape was proud and praised Draco for his efforts. After the lesson it was lunch. Snape escorted Draco back to his quarters to make sure he ate something. The last lesson, Draco decided to go back to his dorm to just do nothing. His roommates decided not to question where he had been all day.   
The rest of the week was pretty uneventful. He occasionally found people staring at him in class. He even had Harry come up to him on Thursday to ask him if he was ok. Draco, of course, spat some insult back at him. Harry in turn got annoyed at Draco for being a rude idiot.  
Saturday, game day. The stands were pact and the players ready for a great game, out on the pitch ready to fly. The game commenced. Snape was sat next to Lucius, much to his annoyance. They made small talk about Draco. Snape remained as calm as he could in Lucius’ presence. 

Slytherin were losing, badly. The captain was stressed and angry, shouting at the players to do better and telling Draco that he better catch the Snitch. Draco was on Harry’s tail, attempting to overtake him and get to the Snitch. Harry reached out to try and grab the snitch but had to duck as the Bludger came his way. Draco saw this a an opportunity and overtook the Gryffindor. He was closing in on the Snitch but Harry was coming up behind him. Draco kept his eyes fixed on the Snitch and failed to realise the Bludger was heading right for him. It hit him on the side of the head and sent him spinning. He was now facing in the wrong direction. He shook his head. The world span around him and in the distance he could see that Harry was still chasing the Snitch, he still had a chance. 

One of his teammates called out to him, noticing that Draco looked a bit dazed. Draco gritted his teeth and started perusing Harry and the Snitch once more. Draco felt dizzy, like he was going to pass out any minute but he had to continue for his of sake. His head and heart pounded in rhythm as he closed in on Harry. The darkness closed in and his vision went blurry, there was no way he could stay conscious. He had to admit defeat. He was about to direct his broom downwards so he could land safely but it was too late, the darkness took over and he lost consciousness. His body drooped forward on the broom and evidently he slipped of, hurdling towards the ground from a height of 10 feet. One of the Slytherin chasers yelled out Draco’s name which caught the attention of all of the players on the pitch. Snape had noticed Draco slump over and fall. He stood up and immediately took out his want to cast a spell that would ensure Draco didn’t have a hard and painful landing. Draco landed on the ground with a thud, still passed out. Snape made his way out of the stand to tend to his injured student. 

Lucius looked disapprovingly at his pathetic excuse of a son lying on the pitch. Some of the Slytherin team were by Draco’s side as he woke up and rubbed the back of his head. With the help of his teammates, Draco stood up and was taken of the field to the infirmary to be checked over. The match was abandoned.

At the infirmary, Draco sat up in one of the beds and refused to be looked at or treated. Snape waltzed in and went right to Draco’s side. Draco looked at him with a mix of anger and worry in his eyes. Snape looked at the boy sympathetically, knowing that he was scared about what his father might do to him. 

“Your father has already left, surprisingly. How are you feeling?” Snape asked.

“I just want to leave and go to my dorm to sleep” Draco muttered.

Snape nodded “I know but first you must be treated”

Draco protested by whining and grumbling but eventually gave in. He only had mild concussion and a few bruises. Plenty of rest was ordered and Draco couldn’t wait to go to his dorm. He was taken back to his dorm by Snape to make sure he got there safely. Snape left him alone for the rest of the day. Draco spent the remainder of the day lying on top of his bed, thinking. His roommates had gone to dinner and he was alone. He heard the door open. Thinking it was one of his mates, he didn’t bother moving but once her heard the familiar sound of a belt being whipped, his body stiffened. He lifted his head up to see his father menacingly looking down at him.


End file.
